Bush and White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer went out of their way Thursday to cite a new survey by "Blue-Chip economists" that the economy would grow 3.3 percent this year if the president's tax cut proposal becomes law.

That was news to the editor who assembles the economic forecast. "I don't know what he was citing," said Randell E. Moore, editor of the monthly Blue Chip Economic Forecast, a newsletter that surveys 53 of the nation's top economists each month.

Segway continues to pursue the business model cherished by many free-market conservatives: government handouts. Bush's executive team are nearly all millionaires, and many of them made their money at companies in heavily regulated industries where connections, not competition, determines the winner: Cheney (Halliburton), John Snow (CSX), Mitch Daniels (Eli Lilly), Tommy Thompson (Amtrak), Ann Veneman (Monsanto), and, well, all of them, really. But while the Bush team's profiteering dwarves the alleged misdeeds of the Clinton administration (most investigated ever, but fewer convictions than Bush I), they still have a lot to learn from some other unelected leaders: Kim Jong Il, $1 billion, King Fahd Bin Abdul Alsaud, $28 billion, Queen Beatrix, $2.5 billion (Forbes). Yassir Arafat, $1.3 billion (though that's a Mossad source, so you gotta wonder).

It's my great pleasure to invite all of you to celebrate our 'Back to Profitability Luau' on Wednesday, March 5, starting at 4:00 pm.

...

P.S. Please do NOT speak to anyone in the media or customers about our "Pro Forma" vs. "GAAP" profitability. Less is more, in this case. Please also refer any questions about the resignation of our most recent CEO to investor relations.