1. How to tell you are in a proper bathroom
   You are in a proper bathroom if ...
   • you are in a private, enclosed space, and
   • there is a sink at waist height with hot and cold potable water, and
   • there is soap, and
   • there are clean hand towels or paper towels, and
   • you cannot smell either excrement or urine, and
   • there is a toilet which you are not afraid to sit on, and
   • there is unused toiled paper which can be flushed down the toilet, and
   • there is adequate lighting, and
   • there is a clean mirror made.
2. How to tell you are in a proper shower
   You are in a proper shower if ...
   • you are in a private, enclosed space, within a larger private space, and
   • there is a source of water higher than your head, and
   • the water can be made hotter than you can stand, and
   • the water pressure is sufficient to raise a slight breeze, and
   • there is soap, and
   • there is shampoo containing laureth or lauryl sulfate, and
   • there are clean, dry towels, and
   • you can move freely without fear of splashing water into inappropriate places.
3. How to tell you are camping
   You are camping if
   • You do not have access to a proper shower in the morning, or
   • you do not have access to a proper bathroom in the evening and morning.